Memories of: The hardest part...

You know how the story goes. We brought out the best in each other, we brought out the worst in each other.

I still remember the day I met you. You had on denim overalls. You and your friend. It was a double date. She was mine. We were all young. I had many more dates with her, and I saw you from time to time. It was expected since you lived right down the street from her. Over time you and I became friends. After a while, her and I stopped dating. You and I remained good friends. In fact, I got to spend 10 years with you as my partner in fun. I was a little hesitant at first. You were a free spirit and I was a slave to some unwritten rules in my mind. You challenged me to do things that made me nervous. Sometimes I gave in to you, sometimes I couldn't. You used to get so mad at me when I would close up. I couldn't express why I couldn't be free and open like you were, because it was difficult for me. We never really did get to the bottom of that at that time.

We were extreme in everything we did. I think about some of the things we did back then and wonder how we never ended up in jail (except that one time). As the years went on emotions got higher. You were very open with me, but I could not be honest with you. I tried to open up, but when I would try you didn't want to hear what I was trying so hard to say. So I smiled and pretended everything was alright...it wasn't. The truth is, I cared for you very deeply. At one point I cared more about what happened to you than I cared for myself. As fate would have it we finally started seeing eye to eye. That was relatively short lived.

As I began to understand, I could see the problem clearly was me. The last time we spoke, I told you I could not speak to you anymore. You didn't want to hear that. I should have said more. I should have spoken from my heart, but I was afraid of losing you... I know you were probably very confused at the time. I did what was best for both of us. I had to let you go to follow your dream. I had to let you go to try and realize my dream. I didn't stop speaking to you because I was angry with you. I had to let you go so I could learn to love myself, and rely on myself. For years I wondered if I had done the right thing. I expected to see you or hear from you over the years but that never came to pass until last year. In July 2024 I learned you did achieve all of the dreams and goals you had set for yourself. I was very happy to hear that. You got your house. You got married. You had kids.You accomplished everything you set out to do.

I feel I made the right choice at that time. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I had found out any different...

Love always,

Adam

 

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